We lived under the same roof. It’s been one and half year now. I cared for him, but probably as a roomie. Did I love him truly? Probably I tried. Emotional bonding with him? Naah, No longer.
It’s not that I had not tried. I did, to create a co-ordial relationship with him, love him, care for him. But, all my efforts went in-vain. Now, I folded, wrapped and packed all my emotions and feelings and have thrown somewhere deep inside the heart so that they never come out easily.
It was an arrange marriage. Infact, it was an : “Arrange cum Love”. We talked at least for six months before marriage. I still remember the day, my mom told me his name. I searched in Facebook to see his profile, flipped all the years on his FB wall to explore about his style, likings, keeping in mind to find out how he mingled with girls. In the evening of the same day, he called me up to talk more, and I liked talking to him…We started talking almost everyday. We found our likings were matching, somehow we were compatible. And we got married in a jazzy, happy way to live happily ever after.
But what! All through the year, he has been just a room partner of mine. I was just living with him, with gradually decreasing attachment. Ofcourse, he was sharing his home with me, buying the stuff for me whenever I needed, took me out if I wanted. Initially, I tried to impress him all possible way. But he preferred ‘Me’ time. The expectation of me time and sleeping time increased gradually.
“Anassya! Both of you spend time together as much as possible, first few years. This time will never come back to your life again.” All married couples, I knew, kept giving me advice.
When I went to him to talk after dinner, he would be tired. In the morning, he would sleep till late and rush to office after that. In the night, he would come late because of work pressure. And on week days? He would like to have ‘Me Time’. Initial days, he used to call me up from office, to inquire if I had my lunch or so, but gradually, he stopped calling up. Hardly he shared anything of his life, nor he had time to listen to me. It was becoming tough and tougher gradually to stretch. To the world, to our families, we were leading a beautiful life, where the truth was we are a lovely couple only outside the house and inside the house, we are strangers, yes! Complete strangers.
He was tensed for couple of weeks now, for something. I asked him so many times. He gave me vague answer. He would just come home, eat dinner and sleep, not even bother to ask me how was my day.
Two days back, we had a fight. And I declared, if all these go like this, better we should be apart. He didn’t say anything….I shouted a lot…..cried a lot too. Thank God! The doors and windows were closed during that time.
I was restless throughout the day. My thoughts were flowing and my mind was badly disturbed.
I didn’t know why I was thinking all these soo much. Afterall, this is what I wanted, end of the day. But, really I wanted that? I was confused. What would be my answer to family, friends, relatives. My parent’s happy and disturbed faces kept floating in the air. I didn’t know when I had fallen asleep sitting on the couch. When I got up it was 6 pm already.
Rahul came at 8 pm. I offered a cup of coffee.
“Did you sign the paper?”
“No, whole day, I did not get enough time to look into it.” Yes, I lied.
We had dinner like silent pigs. I went to the bed and took out the half read novel to complete. He was sitting on the couch to watch a cricket match - India Glorious series.
It was already 11:45 pm.
“Hey Anassya! Did you sign the paper? Please do. It’s urgent, I need it immediately. I will leave for office early tomorrow….So, please.”
So, now no way. I would have to sign. Gathering lots of courage, I took the file in my hand. My hands were trembling. I opened it.
The first page, it’s written clear and big – “You want Divorce, right?”.....My eyedrops started disturbing me. All letters became vague and unclear……
I turned the paper, it was written – “But, will you be mine forever?”
Rahul was looking at me probably, he climbed on the bed. He held my hand and looked into my eyes.
He whispered, “Will you be my mine, forever?” His voice was gentle. His intent look seemed to plead me to say, yes. I gazed back into his dark chocolate eyes, what was shining there? A promise? A promise of love forever?
He took out a small ring box and wished me “Happy Valentine Day, my Love.” Suddenly, I realized it was Valentine Day. Clock was striking 12 that moment.
Happy Valentine Day!